To all our service men and women

Thank you and during this weekend we remember the ones who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom.

Balancing The Tray

Balancing the tray by Lenore Gerould.

Those of us who have daily contact with children with autism sometimes have trouble explaining to regular education teachers or administrators, the ‘hooks’ of autism especially the kinds of support they need. You’re always trying to explain the basics. “No, moving the pencil sharpener’s location in the classroom is not what upset him. You have to understand that…” Then I came up with this analogy. Perhaps it will help others to visualise the support needed.

Try to imagine the child balancing a large serving tray on one up-turned hand. Every distress for that child is like a liquid filled glass you are putting on this tray. The ‘distress glasses’ are unique to each kid…but generally include things like auditory or visual over-stimulation, social interaction, ‘surprises’ or unexpected changes in the schedule, lack of clear leadership, the number of people in the room, whatever is ‘sensitive’ for that child. (Don’t forget the ability to read body language and anxiety of the adults around them!) The size and weight of the ‘glass’ for that child varies: just like the ‘distress glasses’ vary for each kid. Some things are merely shot glass size, while others it can be a two-litre jug. At some point the tray is going to start to wobble…the liquid will start spilling out of the glasses on the tray. The ‘cues’ this is happening will vary kid to kid: just as the cause and size of a ‘glass’ varies kid to kid…but generally include regressive behaviour, avoidance or ‘shutting down’, giggling or minor ‘acting out’ to get attention. Hopefully someone will help the kid rebalance that tray or remove some of the glasses. Perhaps taking a break, or allowing time to refocus or process will work, again techniques are unique to each kid. If there is no intervention, the addition of one more glass will topple the tray to the floor. The cause is not the most recent ‘glass’ you added, but the fact that the tray was too full or too heavy (the latter is why the child seems so unpredictable to some people). Our efforts should be that the kid learns to hold a bigger tray, or to do minor correction of the tray’s balance somewhat independently…but they will always carry that wobbling tray. Ignoring ‘cues’ can be disastrous, from the classroom disruptions to a major regression. When an autistic kid’s tray crashes to the floor- it is always a major event.

That is why, if I hear my son got highly upset over a moved sharpener and acted out, I do not want to hear he has to learn to accept change. The sharpener is immaterial, if I learn that day he dealt with a substitute teacher, a fire drill just as reading was starting, dead calculator batteries halfway through Maths, a ‘crashed’ computer in the middle of English, a late bus so he missed part of home room and some fluorescent lights in the class are half out-his tray is already full. Right-all of these ‘distresses’ are unavoidable and he’d dealt with them without a hitch: but each was another glass on his tray. Autistic kids need someone around who is familiar with them: to sense how full the tray is getting and read the cues-so there is intervention before that wobbling tray topples to the floor. That is why the type of support for these kids is critical-not just a ‘hot body’ nearby- but the right ‘hot body’ whom they can trust will help balance and who knows the ‘hooks’. For all of us, life is a balancing act, but for the autistic kids the glasses generally break when they hit the floor and it takes a whole lot longer to clean up the mess and get a new tray.

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I Hate college algebra.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. I abhor Mother's Day. My mom died when I was 13. My grandmother still expects me to celebrate for her. I have my own kids now and you would think that I could be happy letting them celebrate me, but it's not the same.

I feel every year that the universe slaps me in the face with the reminder that she isn't here. Like I need a reminder.

I have a cousin that has decided to disown her mom. She says she understands how I feel but excuse me NO you don't. You can decide at any time to forgive her and have that relationship back. You made the decision and you have the power in it. I have no power here.

So here I sit in tears, on Mother's Day, 23 years later missing my mommy.

School is winding down for the kids..

In the last 3 months we have had 3 IEP meetings for Corey.

In the end he will be going to a new school next year and finally entering the Autism program. He has had so many "behavior" problems this year and none of them were things he could help. Just his autism showing. The teacher he had the most problems with is the SpEd teacher and finally at our IEP meeting last week she admitted that she knew nothing about Autism and had no idea how to teach Corey. Well she didnt use those exact words.

I am very excited about next year though.

Katie will be a senior next year and she is registered for 3 AP (advanced placement) classes. If you don't know some colleges will use these high school courses to meet general ed course requirements. Even if they don't she will have a better grasp on the course content.

Kyle is looking forward to summer, but would rather be with his friends.